My uncle came over the other day. He left the door opened but closed the fly door. Unfortunately there was a hole near the floor and would you know it a mouse came in. Uninvited. I heard him trying to scratch out in the middle of the night. I hate mice.
Reminds me of a cheap hotel I stayed in one time. I was sleeping and I felt mice, lots of mice, clammering over me in bed like I was some kind of amusement park. I was shocked.
Next day, rat poison. That fixed them and it will fix it now.
I opened the door and told the mouse to go 'be free'. But instead the little bugger ran further into the house. The opened door was right in front of him. Well you brought it upon yourself.
I was living in fear thinking that the mouse might crawl over me. I kept the bedroom door closed at all times. It was, after all my sanctuary.
A few nights later I could hear him in the kitchen coughing. And later he was in bad shape cos he was lying in the kitchen but not dead. He would crawl and hide when he saw me. Then a day or two later I got the courage to get a broom and pan and sweep him out.
He was still alive (kinda cute little thing), I told him he had his chance to go, why didn't he take it, the door was opened. The next day he was gone. Never to be seen, but alas there are heaps more on the roof.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
groupies
hey I have followers. A cute chickie and a faceless man.
How about that, I never had groupies before.
How about that, I never had groupies before.
some light in the tunnel
I know that I will not beat this cancer. It's just too tenacious. However the growth in my neck has shrunk, by a lot. I wonder if it is dead or just shrunk. Radiation has limited life, if it were to regrow in my head I wonder what treatment will be used next, if any.
Hope it does not regrow in my head ... for a long time. As for the rest of my body, it has not been radiated yet, go for it :)
Hope it does not regrow in my head ... for a long time. As for the rest of my body, it has not been radiated yet, go for it :)
frustration
this lack of taste and smell is SO frustrating. My throat is also sore now and gum feels swollen. Chewing and eating is a chore rather than a luxury.
Imagine not being able to smell or taste food. Just chewing some textured thing in your mouth without any taste. It's hell.
I tried to fry an egg the other day and left the pan to warm up and forgot about it. I was wondering why the kitchen looked foggy. THE PAN! I couldn't smell the smoke. Man it could've caught fire!
Imagine not being able to smell or taste food. Just chewing some textured thing in your mouth without any taste. It's hell.
I tried to fry an egg the other day and left the pan to warm up and forgot about it. I was wondering why the kitchen looked foggy. THE PAN! I couldn't smell the smoke. Man it could've caught fire!
last day
It was my last radio day. I was glad. I say goodbye to the staff and ask if they will be throwing the mask away. She says yes. Is it radioactive. No. Can I have it? Yes.
Cool, I say I will paint it black and find a cape, and wear my underwear on the outside.
I also see the dietitian. I got weighed and thank god I did not lose weight. I was home. She suggests more supplements. Not a problem. All I can think about was the tube. :)
Next step, get my mold.I went to the radio department and asked for my mold. Yep you can have it, take a seat for a moment. I get my mold as a souvenir and I was outa here.
Till the next appointment.
Cool, I say I will paint it black and find a cape, and wear my underwear on the outside.
I also see the dietitian. I got weighed and thank god I did not lose weight. I was home. She suggests more supplements. Not a problem. All I can think about was the tube. :)
Next step, get my mold.I went to the radio department and asked for my mold. Yep you can have it, take a seat for a moment. I get my mold as a souvenir and I was outa here.
Till the next appointment.
black boy
Yes the radiation has now burnt my skin, it is black. You can clearly see the edges like someone spray painted a fake beard. Unfortunately that was not the only problem. Half my tongue is white! The radiation burnt my tongue and left cheek. My cheek feels tight, no elasticity, my teeth aches and I can't taste anything.
I can imagine a succulent KFC drumstick but I know I cannot smell it or even taste it (and there's nothing but cooking shows on tv).
I mention to the nurse that my skin was starting to itch and she gave me a tube of paraffin. I hate paraffin, it was like putting vesaline on your face. Sorbalene is better, It gets absorbed and does not feel oily.
I tell the oncologist about my tongue, he looked at it and say 'yeah how about that'. I should ask if he could've made a love heart shape, it would look more impressive. I planned to say the 'thrush" word but it never came out. I wonder why. So no mouth wash for me.
I see the dietitian and tell her about my tongue and the lack of taste. She say well you have to eat and keep your weight. Use a bicarb mouth wash, 1 teaspoon bicard into a cup and wash every 3 hours. You also lost weight. I suggest you increase your supplements. If you don't eat I will suggest a food pipe. ??? Huh, where? Either through the nose or punched through your stomach. I was shocked. That woke me up. No way I was gonna let that happen. I tell her yeah I will endeavour to eat more. I mention that I had stopped the steroids, what can I do, it was the only thing making me eat. I have no taste, I don't feel like eating, even when my stomach says it is hungry. She says that some patient was put on steroids to maintain their weight.
I knew the only thing that was gonna prevent me from the stomach tube was the steroids. So what the hell, I had some leftovers. I started popping them into my mouth again. I new it tasted really bitter but since I cannot taste anything I could rub it on my tongue and not feel anything.
I can imagine a succulent KFC drumstick but I know I cannot smell it or even taste it (and there's nothing but cooking shows on tv).
I mention to the nurse that my skin was starting to itch and she gave me a tube of paraffin. I hate paraffin, it was like putting vesaline on your face. Sorbalene is better, It gets absorbed and does not feel oily.
I tell the oncologist about my tongue, he looked at it and say 'yeah how about that'. I should ask if he could've made a love heart shape, it would look more impressive. I planned to say the 'thrush" word but it never came out. I wonder why. So no mouth wash for me.
I see the dietitian and tell her about my tongue and the lack of taste. She say well you have to eat and keep your weight. Use a bicarb mouth wash, 1 teaspoon bicard into a cup and wash every 3 hours. You also lost weight. I suggest you increase your supplements. If you don't eat I will suggest a food pipe. ??? Huh, where? Either through the nose or punched through your stomach. I was shocked. That woke me up. No way I was gonna let that happen. I tell her yeah I will endeavour to eat more. I mention that I had stopped the steroids, what can I do, it was the only thing making me eat. I have no taste, I don't feel like eating, even when my stomach says it is hungry. She says that some patient was put on steroids to maintain their weight.
I knew the only thing that was gonna prevent me from the stomach tube was the steroids. So what the hell, I had some leftovers. I started popping them into my mouth again. I new it tasted really bitter but since I cannot taste anything I could rub it on my tongue and not feel anything.
radio must be working
The growth in my neck was actually shrinking but the newer one was more stubborn. It did not want to die so easily and it was fighting.
My skin feels a little funny, and I had pimples growing on my left cheek.
My skin feels a little funny, and I had pimples growing on my left cheek.
new dietitian
I see the dietitian today. This time it wasn't emily but monica.
She weighs me and ask what my diet was. I say I have lost weight since stopping the steroids although my weight seemed to have increased. But I know in between the last weigh in and now I had actually increased weight and is on a downward trend. I know this because I had a 'beer' gut after the first weigh in and now the 'beer' gut was deflating. She then prescribed supplements. A protein drink, a fruit drink and an oil drink (yes vegetable oil - strawberry flavoured - yekkk).
I will check with you in a few days.
She weighs me and ask what my diet was. I say I have lost weight since stopping the steroids although my weight seemed to have increased. But I know in between the last weigh in and now I had actually increased weight and is on a downward trend. I know this because I had a 'beer' gut after the first weigh in and now the 'beer' gut was deflating. She then prescribed supplements. A protein drink, a fruit drink and an oil drink (yes vegetable oil - strawberry flavoured - yekkk).
I will check with you in a few days.
a few days later
a few days later the ache was gone but it was still swollen. I can't help feeling that the cancer knows and is trying to get away, maybe some has actually gone past the neck and is partying in other parts of my body. There's not much I can do about that. When it's time. it's time.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
next day treatment
next day I go to radiotherapy.
wait at the waiting room, then the nurse calls me and it was my turn. I never remember the nurses name. I lay on the bench, put my mask to keep me still. Then the doctor comes in to check where the new growth is and will widen the treatment area. She pokes around my neck to 'feel' it. And yes it still aches but what to do.
5 minutes later it was done. Very quick radio.
wait at the waiting room, then the nurse calls me and it was my turn. I never remember the nurses name. I lay on the bench, put my mask to keep me still. Then the doctor comes in to check where the new growth is and will widen the treatment area. She pokes around my neck to 'feel' it. And yes it still aches but what to do.
5 minutes later it was done. Very quick radio.
doc every wednesday
It's wednesday and its doctor day.
I tell the doc of the new growth, and it aches. She feels it, and yes it aches. She said yeah, we'll expand the treatment area to include it. I'll check tomorrow during your treatment. Bye.
That was quick and it still aches.
I tell the doc of the new growth, and it aches. She feels it, and yes it aches. She said yeah, we'll expand the treatment area to include it. I'll check tomorrow during your treatment. Bye.
That was quick and it still aches.
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