About a month ago Puan Norlida mentioned vitamin B17. I was complacent as usual until the MRI results. It was spreading fast. Now I wanted to get my hands on some B17. At least it's better than nothing. But getting it here in this country was not easy, it was not common and, it was expensive RM400 for a bottle of 90s. 4 bucks a pop.
Mak :)
I think it's time for another call to mom. I'll just call to 'enquire' and maybe they'll catch on...wink wink.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
the man in the plastic mask
Today they verify whatever they are going to do to me. I had a week to think about blindness. I have decided that I cannot accept blindness as an option.
If needs be it would be a death sentence anyways. I don't think I can live with blindness. I get into two machines, ones the CT scan with the mask and the other is like the radiotherapy machine with the mask. The mask was on for a while so when they take it off it left grooves in my face. When I went into the toilet to wash the calibration marks on my face, the impression looked like scales. I was the creature from the black lagoon! Maybe I will end up in a freak show, no sense of smell in one nostril, a hole in my base skull, blindness, maybe later deaf and no tongue.
The mask is to ensure that my head is in the same position every time to simplify being shot with radiation. I wonder if my titanium screws will absorb radiation?
I want to see the doctor. If there is no choice I will have to consider going overseas, Australia? Gamma knife in Singapore? If gamma knife can do something better (probably) then I would have to sell my house to pay for it.
Michael Jackson (or is it Mikheel) died a few days ago. Unbelievable. I guess no-one lives forever and one cannot be guaranteed of a long life even if you don't smoke, or drink, or womanise. Maybe it's not too late for all those things :D.
If needs be it would be a death sentence anyways. I don't think I can live with blindness. I get into two machines, ones the CT scan with the mask and the other is like the radiotherapy machine with the mask. The mask was on for a while so when they take it off it left grooves in my face. When I went into the toilet to wash the calibration marks on my face, the impression looked like scales. I was the creature from the black lagoon! Maybe I will end up in a freak show, no sense of smell in one nostril, a hole in my base skull, blindness, maybe later deaf and no tongue.
The mask is to ensure that my head is in the same position every time to simplify being shot with radiation. I wonder if my titanium screws will absorb radiation?
I want to see the doctor. If there is no choice I will have to consider going overseas, Australia? Gamma knife in Singapore? If gamma knife can do something better (probably) then I would have to sell my house to pay for it.
Michael Jackson (or is it Mikheel) died a few days ago. Unbelievable. I guess no-one lives forever and one cannot be guaranteed of a long life even if you don't smoke, or drink, or womanise. Maybe it's not too late for all those things :D.
maybe not
SO yesterday the nurse calls "come in the doctor wants to see you".
I wasn't expecting anything good. They say wait here. It was a long wait. They seemed carried away with the face mask thing. I guess they were taking the H1N1 seriously.
The doc comes in says hello. blah blah blah. Short story they want to do radiotherapy. She says Mr Cheang concurs. BUT the affected area is close to my optic chiasm, its where the left eye crosses to the right side of the brain and vice versa for the right eye.
The cancer needs 64 greys in order to 'kill' it while the optic chiasm has a tolerance of 54. This would mean blindness. FUCK. The last time I visit I got the impression it was for one eye, now I get total blindness into the package.
Blindness is not something I look forward to.
I wasn't expecting anything good. They say wait here. It was a long wait. They seemed carried away with the face mask thing. I guess they were taking the H1N1 seriously.
The doc comes in says hello. blah blah blah. Short story they want to do radiotherapy. She says Mr Cheang concurs. BUT the affected area is close to my optic chiasm, its where the left eye crosses to the right side of the brain and vice versa for the right eye.
The cancer needs 64 greys in order to 'kill' it while the optic chiasm has a tolerance of 54. This would mean blindness. FUCK. The last time I visit I got the impression it was for one eye, now I get total blindness into the package.
Blindness is not something I look forward to.
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