creep

I'm very sleepy this morning. Don't know why.

I am greeted by a blood reaper. I knew it was time. Never mind. I just let it happen. It seemed to hurt less.

I also a had feeling the neuro team would come in. Sure enough. A group of three. I had some questions but only managed to fire 1, "what's the surgical procedure?". Cut temple to temple, lift out the old hatch, scoop out the tumor or what can be scooped. The ENT will cut some more into the orbit and probably to the bridge of the nose, removing the bone and the right eye. So I will have no bone there. I will never soccer a ball again with my head. The left eye may go as they fudge around the left side. Will my smelling nerves be detached?

I feel more giddy now, maybe it's the stay maybe it's the tumor.

So now I am pondering. The future, the options. I would really like to know whats going to happen around my nose. Can I go on alternative medicine? What I would really like is to preserve my sight on the left eye and then try alternative, chemo and radio. Do I have these options?

Some time during the day the nurse comes in and we chat a little. He asks what I would like to do before the operation. I think, good question. I have thought about this before but not come to an answer. Drive, I've driven all my life, see the blue mountains the beach. So I think, finally I cam to an answer, movies. So tomorrow I will take day leave and see the surrogates. I will miss movies.

Later during the day my wife comes in some friends and relatives. It's good to have visitors they change your focus for a while.

I ugly thing that happened was that while I was talking my father was staring at me like I was a madman. I hate people looking at me like this, I felt like giving him a slap.