Live to die another day

So i escape the knife for today.

Again i go to d canteen and then to d neuro klinik. I wanted to know how much d screws cost. So d guy takes us to see an MO. He says the string is $20 a piece but u wont be charged for it. The screws are $200 a set (2 screws and a small connecting plate). Depending on the size of d skull removal will require 3-4 sets. I ask if the string dissolves over time. He says no. He also added no airplanes for 2 years. Also it can get knocked about if not careful and will require surgery to fix it. Then i say i'll take the screws. They say we wil happily bill u. Thanks.

Again i get a cal to return to d wad cos d eye doc wants to see me. Man I'm getting a little phobia about leaving d wad. Everytime i leave someone is looking for me. When i get there they say mr cheang also wanted to see me. Man this makes me look bad.

Then d eye doc says 'follow me'. She wants to check my eye status before op to compare after op. Then proceeded saying i need to dilate your eye blood veins. Great how u going to do dat. I'm going to use some irritating eye solution. It'll sting, thanks. And it did. It also made me loose focus in my vision n sensitive to bright lights ie sunlight. She then did some tests n say that my right eye is slightly swollen. Then out i went with my new very blurred vision.

Now its the ENT's turn to see me. He says 'Ah yes this case, surgery tomorrow'. 'Come sit'. Then straight with the nasal spray. Are all ENT like this? This must be their signature greeting. Basically he says he will do endoscopically. Ok. I just voice my concern about losing my smell. He said he'l take it into consideration. But later I learn its not his choice to make.

I go back to the ward and later Mr Cheang visits. Says that there is 3-5% chance of stroke and uncontrollable bleeding ie death. That sort of worries me but 50% chance of fluid leakage. This is too high. I ask about gamma knife. He said experimental and <3cm.

No turning back

So I'm on my way to Ipoh n my friend M calls. So we joke around. Got to the topic of hospital garbs. I think it was designed by mahatma gandhi. We got to whether u can wear underwear at hospital. We concluded no n that doctors r gay n wanted to see our willy. But there's male nurses too.

Somehow we got to the topic of removing the virus in my Windows head and that I will soon be rebooted with linux. NERDS.

This is it. D (hopefully not death)day. I go to d ward.

Ask about d wad class and d girl says 'go see lah'. Ok so we go. Class 3 is d battery chicken section, while class 2 is in the same room but at d opposite end with less people (16). The difference is the food n i will be charged at 2nd class rates for anything n everything.

My first visitor is d HO (house officer ie postgrad). She wants to put d iv needle into me. Man that thing sucks. Its so discomforting. Then she pulls d plug out. I'm tinking, wouldn't d blood spew out? Dang sure did all over d place. She then rushed to suck it up with a syringe. Then she goes but later comes back wanting more blood. Vampire this one.

Next comes doctor Shan. Comes to explain something but i was still in oz. He did mention something about a risk from stroke. That i will have muscle weakness. But to exercise. Huh? This doesn't sound like stroke. Oh wel this is post op i'm stil concerned about op day. Then he talked about patching my skull back with string. String! Plus I cant travel by plane for two years (actually this point was raised later by another MO). But d alternative is titanium screws n i plates at $200 a set. I need 3 to 4. Oh well imagine those guys who sujud very hard just to get d marks on d forehead? Well it would be death for me to do that with string holding my forehead.

But his real intentions is for me to sign my life away. That's right I gave permission to do anything they want. Anything. And by anyone. As for as i know they can get hannibal lecter to operate and eat my tumor. But it's a no brainer, i had to sign.

The other form was for a blood transfusion. Basically they can give me anything they want even mud. No, not really it's a waiver against anything wrong with the blöod its not their fault. Wonder if flesh eating virus can live in d blood bank?

I go to d canteen then they call to say d aneasthatist (bius man) wanted to see me. So i guzzle d bihun sup n back i go.

The bius man explained that they will inject me with some happy fluid to help sleep then the happy happy gas then the muscle relaxant so that i won't be able to tel them I am awake. I have heard cases where people become concious mid op n this is my greatest fear n anxiety. Man i shouldn't have watch d movie awake. But never thought i would have to face d music so soon. He tries to reassure me that it will be ok n d bius man (which won't be him) wil have equipment to monitor me. Again i have no choice really. Sign or resign. So i sign.

Later someone walks straight to me n say my name. I say yeah. He didn't intro himself. I'm thinking 'are u d angel of death Izrael?'. He proceeds saying 'kami mengisytiharkan bahawa operasi anda pospone ke jumaat.'. So i live in fear for another day.

the moving target

Today I planned to see Dr Cheang. The Man who is going to scoop my brain.

When I call the clinic they say that he is busy in the afternoon and is doing the rounds at the ward. Man that sucks. I just wanted to get some info from him regarding the operation and 'after sales service'.

Now I will have to wait till warded before I get to ask the questions. Maybe I may run in fear before the operation.

I was hoping to get some free pimple lotion rather than pay at the chemist. The steroids are giving me annoying pimple growth.

the pied piper

Why is it that rationality sometimes alludes us. Witch doctors make us dance to their music. If they say wipe shit on you face. You would probably do it. Why? Is it because we are desperate, that it is part of the treatment or we were hypnotised. Is it because it is mixed with religion? Dunno but we still do it even though we know it's not right.

Witch doctors probably laugh later. They could make people do anything. He could have said that I should crack a raw egg on my head and cluck like a chicken for 5 minutes.

Healing in this way requires 3 things, niat the intention of getting healed, doa HE is the real doctor, us'ha the action, can't get healed by sitting on one's butt. The action is the part that can be ridiculously taken advantage of.

retrospect

For every high there is a low. Definitely.

I think about my daughter, my wife, my son. My maybe short life. Even if I survive the operation will I have a long life? It is a malignant cancer after all.

What could have been. I wonder if my daughter will grow up safe and successful. What will she be like. Will she be happy? Whether my son will become the best that he can be. Whether my wife can handle the stress of raising 2 kids. Will she have a happier life? It weighs against me and I can't help but shed a little tear.

So many things I want to do, so little time. At least I should make a will.


http://www.birf.info/home/bi-tools/brainmap/qlinks_bramap.html

I saw the witch doctor and ...

This is another 'practitioner' known via my wife's friend.

Why not I thought. It wouldn't hurt. So we go to Kg Bakau. Meet the dude and he did a little procedure on me then do some blessing on some odd items we brought. But he added that there was some prohibitions. What? I was only expecting a 'procedure' and a thank you, bye bye. Now I have restrictions on food, no chicken,meat, apples, most fish, etc ...

This is like starving a hungry man. How the heck is a person who is now perpetually hungry going to survive on limited food choices!

There's also more. I'm supposed to wipe wet ground rice on my face with grass roots.

What can I say.

cool color vibrations

This event happened after seing the first wizard. I cannot insert a blog entry in blogspot so I will just say that this is back dated.

We hear from a relative his experience from a 'practitioner' in Penang. She explains to the wife what he's all about. Sounds witch doctory to me. I check out their web site which is some product site. They seem successful. Wonder how (I will soon know). Looks like heamotherapy to me.I have this feel that I'm gonna 'get' it (or get got). When we got there Dr Hambali greeted us. Did his magic thing with his spinning crystal pendulum. And said I was at level 3? My 'thing' had a frequency of 85 where 100 was bad. Great.

We bring some things to be blessed. Potatoes, lemons and water. He blessed them. This is the free part. Potatoes must be eaten before eating anything. Lemon is used to bathe. Water, one for drinking and one for bathing. Total course covers 7 days. Then bury the used lemons.

Then he comes out with more stuff. Rock salts, sugar tablets, a smelly herb extract and amino acids. He said something about complementary. OK. No ... not OK. After the instructions on using the stuff he pulls out the bill. Now I know how the product site pictures a big shop lot that it occupies. The 'gimmic' colour vibration therapy is to wang dangle the 'patient' then push the products. $344 bucks. I paid then left. This is the pull the cow by the nose syndrome. We are so used to seeing a doctor then get some pills and pay when we go. Such is conditioning even though we know.

Yeah I know.