time jump

It's been a while since my last post. The Jan radio was part 1 of a 2 part session. I am now doing part 2.

I had f^%$g immigration things to do and it was one bad luck after another. First the required doco was vague, I missed the first deadline, I didn't provide form 1229 on the second deadline and I didn't check my email for a week and within that was another deadline. I was spewing. As such my kids visa application as refused. (AUD2400)

My second chance was through a tribunal. Sent the form within the time limit but it was incorrectly filled. Had to resend and needed seperate forms ($1400 each). The day before the deadline I disappeared and I woke up 3 days later. Apparently I had a seizure and was in an induced coma for 3 days 2 nights. What is the f^%$g chance of that happening the night before the tribunal form was due. I was being screwed by immigration, bleeding me financially dry and luck was just not on my side. God, you there?

The Cancer Council has a one off $500 relief to pay bills which I have half taken but on the other hand is an ambulance bill for $779. I just can't get ahead.

Maybe I should just stop the medication and treatment, its a painless death. I won't even notice it. When I had the seizure I had no idea of anything, I didn't feel pain, there was no indication of an onset of seizure, there was no dreams, no feeling of passage of time, there was nothing. I was in my room and in a blink of an eye I was in a bed in ICU with a hospital staff next to me and that damn breathing tube again down my throat. He said I had a seizure. I could see the clock on the wall, it was 12. I ask if it was day or night. It was noon. The next important question, what day. Friday. S$%t, I lost 3 days and missed the deadline, again.

The hospital staff then removed my breathing tube, the 3 headed neck IV (but replaced it with a hand one) and said I was going to the ward. The urine tube was staying though. I hate that as well. I wasn't wearing daipers, I wonder... The nurse did say I was bathed.

My wife was freaked out when she found me. Who wouldn't. She went to bed early and I know it was night the last thing I remember. She found me in the morning convulsing on the floor. I was placed in an induced coma so they can drug me and heal whatever was currently wrong. I had a sore tongue, cut bridge of nose, slight ache on my right eyebrow, slight ache on lip, head pain, double vision, slight lose of balance, feeling of weakness and I just want to sleep.

I must have fallen onto the drawers. There was blood there from where I cut my nose.

When I was discharged I saw the oncologist and he was aware of the news. I said I was coughing. He said it was normal when you have breathing tube for 3 days. Can I have a puffer? No. But you can have painkillers. Good enough. I must have bit my tongue. "Nothing I can do there, matter of time" he says. My head hurts and I have double vision."We better get an MRI ASAP." Ok. Did you take the dilantin (phenytoin)? Ehm...err... no. Why! I never had a seizure and I never thought it would last 3 days! Well now you learn you lesson. "Will I get another seizure?" "Don't know." "How long do I need to take the dilantin?" "At least 6 months." "What about the dexa?" "Stay on it for now."

lobotomy what you do to me

just saw the doc today after radio, donno y I was thinking of lobotomies, maybe I just want it all to go away. So I ask if I were to have a surgical solution whether it would be equivalent to a frontal lobotomy. The answer was yes, and the side effects may be drastic, that was y they did not consider it. Bagus, I jadi sayur.

So now it's time to play 'omen' by prodigy or 'I whip my hair' real LOUD and do some head bangin' . Keep cool and rock on!

I also asked for some conselling and happy (anti depression) pills. :D

doctor day

The day I wanted came, and pretty quickly due to the holidays.

The radiotherapy was quick around 5 minutes and the nurse's name was Helen. Then it was the doctors. She ask if there was any new symptoms. I said same as usual. Wasn't keen on making the most minute observations cos I'll end up doing additional tests. So I just basically said nothing new.

You getting headaches because the radiotherapy causes more swelling and we can give you .... more pills. Yeah but not that bad. Man I just turned down pills ... what's wrong with me!

What I wanted to know was "how many times can I undergo radiotherapy if the cancer regrows?". The answer "this is the last time". "What's the alternative treatment if it (and probably will) regrow?". "Nothing or surgery." "Great choice, again." If the growth is confined to the brain then surgery should be 'simple' but if the nasal has growth then I'm facing more nightmares.

I AM FUCKED!

However I am feeling better. Not as depressed as when I was facing the dreaded news from the doc last time. I managed to hook up with a friend or 2 on facebook. That's good. They put a smile on my face and I feel better.

day 1 round 3

29th Dec. I was back doing what I did last time. Scan the bar code and sit and wait. Got called and got on the slab but with the additional mouth guard. I even remembered the nurse's name Alana (I think, shit maybe I didn't remember).

It was quick. Didn't take 10 minutes on the slab.

It was Wednesday, doctor day but not on the first week. I had a question to ask the doctor but it could wait, it would not make any difference anyways.

line up for the merry go round

I get to try my new mask. Place cut, place cut, until finally a snug fit.

Next the ct scan with the mask so the target area can be identified. The mask keeps the head at exactly the same position so that the radiation points can just be plugged into the position control computer. Press of a button.

Again I get the contrast solution via the canula, I hate that thing. As usual I offered the biggest right hand elbow vein. And what happens, she misses. Now she'll have to fish around the smaller left hand vein. What to do. It ached.

I get a summary from the nurse then I was outta hear.

See ya 29th Dec for the treatment.

mould

7/12/10
Had to get scanned today for the face mask for the radio therapy. Nothing new, maybe third time lucky. This time there was a mouth guard to prevent the tongue from getting fried. Don't like the idea of losing taste again. But it does look like bondage tool. Laser scanned, mouth impressed, blood sample taken, done. See you next week for a CT test.

dispair

I still have not accepted my fate.

All I want to do is stay in my room and play mahjong solitaire to forget my problems.